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Dear Arsene | The window’s nearly open and we have money

Happy Arsene

Happy Arsene

Dear Arsene,

Great job by the way, securing 4th spot. Went right to the wire didn’t it… I watched the game in Cyprus with 5 Sp*rs fans, there were 3 crucial moments on that final day:

1) The moment they thought Newcastle scored, then realised they hadn’t. I am not proud of my actions in hindsight but I did stand up in all of their faces shouting ‘Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh’ and waving my hands gesturing them to return to their seats.

2) When Bale scored. I must admit it was a nervous 5 minutes. Especially as my firstrowsports.eu stream link went down and all I was left with was an almost non-existent twitter timeline awaiting any news of a goal. Thankfully things stayed as they were.

3) Celebrating. I was chuffed, relieved and happy – I danced around the room like a proper twat for a few minutes. Until I realised, we’d only just scraped 4th. Reduced to scrapping it out with Spurs for the last possible place in the Champions League.

 

This is the reason for my letter.

Point number 3. I got a little bit caught up in the moment and as happy as I was; only a season of mediocrity could have put me to be in a place mentally where that was success. Granted, it was a fucking great achievement. We were 7 pts behind them after we lost and we finished above them. We went on a very impressive unbeaten run and defensively we looked great. So I am in no way ungrateful or negative. I am never negative. But I am becoming a realist. And realism set in on that gorgeous Cypriot day.

I don’t ever want to be in that position again, and I don’t think you do either Arsene, do you? I am not sure your skinny little frame could take it. So all I am asking, politely requesting in this letter is that we at least give ourselves a good chance of avoiding the same predicament. How do we do that you ask? Well Arsene, that’s a great question. A little worrying that you don’t know the answer but I’ll humour you. Quite simply, we buy some better players.

I actually think we have the best squad we have had for at least 5-6 seasons.

But we still lack a few winners. We ‘lack a little quality’ in the starting 11 and we lack decent competition for players in some positions. If it was up to me, and it’s not, here’s how things would pan out over the next 6-8 weeks:

Step 1: Pat them on the back and personally escort Arshavin & Squillaci to the doors. Thank Andrei for the 4 goals against Liverpool and thank Sebastian for… just say thanks anyway. I am not sure but I think Santos is out of contract too, so just have his bags waiting for him at Heathrow, don’t even let him back in.

Step 2: Sell the following players for whatever money you can. Forget the economics of it. If no one wants to buy them, then fucking give them away. We’re talking: Bendtner, Park, Denilson, Djourou & Chamakh and probably Frimpong too. I can’t see him ever getting a game for us.

Step 3: Tell the following players this ‘You can stay at Arsenal. You may get some games, but you should not expect to start any of them. You are a squad player and you should be happy to be so at this great club’. The audience for this message should be: Gervinho, Vermaelen, Fabianski & Coquelin

Step 4: Sign some new players. Identify who we want and make a decent offer. By all means haggle, drive a good price but ultimately don’t lose out on the player over a few million quid. I have a few players I’d like us to sign, assuming the above steps are taken and that Vermaelen, Gervinho and Fabianski decide it’s best to leave. I like the looks of: Ashley Williams, Simon Mignolet/Begovic, Capoue, Ben Arfa, Jovetic, Benteke.

I’d love all of them, I’d take some of them. I am sure you have your own ideas and that’s fine. I respect that. But please do not get to the start of August with no one of note signed. Sure, go and sign a few 19/20 yr olds. We need some of those too. But what we really need is 23-29 year olds, lots of experience, desire to win and the quality to slot straight into the team.

Anyway, who am I to tell you these things, you’re officially the most decorated manager in the Premier League. I am sure you and the team are all over this and there is no point the rest of us even checking the BBC Gossip pages every day, no point us listening to the likes of @GeoffArsenal and the potential transfers we’re making. We should all just keep quiet, enjoy the summer and sit back and trust in Arsene, or is it in Arsene we trust. The outcome is the same… we hope.

 

Yours,

@Arse_and_all

What would you like to ask Arsene?

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0 comments

  1. Pat Rice 30 May, 2013 at 03:32 Reply

    Good article, but we should sell Gervinho, aand Diaby.

    Gervinho isn’t up to scratch, its better to get a youth team player promoted to his position, like gnabry.

    Diaby is pretty much useless(it hurts to say that)

    We shouldn’t buy Ashley williams, he’s hyped up n average.
    We should stay far away from Capoue, he terrible, sorry @Arse_and_all but have you actually seen Capoue play(like ten games at least), the dude sux, just coz he’s big, french and plays dm doesn’t make him good enough for us.

  2. Pat Rice 30 May, 2013 at 03:34 Reply

    Good article, but we should sell Gervinho, aand Diaby.

    Gervinho isn’t up to scratch, its better to get a youth team player promoted to his position, like gnabry.

    Diaby is pretty much useless(it hurts to say that)

    We shouldn’t buy Ashley williams, he’s hyped up n average.
    We should stay far away from Capoue, he terrible, sorry @Arse_and_all but have you actually seen Capoue play(like ten games at least), the dude sux, just coz he’s big, french and plays dm doesn’t make him good enough for us.

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